Finding Yourself Again: Embracing Change After Heartbreak & Motherhood

The Pain of Change: Letting Go of What Was

When a long-term relationship ends, it doesn’t just take away the other person; it takes away the life you envisioned together. The shared routines, the inside jokes, the simple comfort of having someone who knows you deeply, all of that shifts, leaving behind a silence that can feel unbearable. You may find yourself reminiscing, questioning if you made the right decision, or fearing that no one will ever love you the same way again.

At the same time, motherhood is reshaping your identity. Your body has changed, your priorities have shifted, and your time is no longer just your own. The combination of heartbreak and the demands of being a parent can make you feel isolated, like you’re walking through this alone. You may even wonder, Who am I outside of this? What do I even want anymore?

The truth is, people outgrow each other, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean the love you shared wasn’t real, and it doesn’t mean your feelings weren’t valid. It simply means that your journey is calling you in a different direction. Holding on to something that no longer serves you only delays the healing process. Letting go isn’t just about releasing another person, it’s about making space for yourself again.

You Are Not Alone: Coping with Loneliness

It’s common to feel like a loner after a breakup, especially when so much of your identity was tied to another person. You might look around and feel like everyone else has someone, a partner, a close-knit group of friends, a sense of belonging that seems out of reach for you. The loneliness can feel unbearable, making you crave love and connection even more.

Here’s the thing: Loneliness is not a reflection of your worth. It is simply a season of transition, a space where you are meant to learn how to love yourself without external validation. This doesn’t mean you should isolate yourself. Connection is still important, but it does mean shifting the focus inward. Ask yourself:

• What parts of me have I neglected in my relationship?

• What do I want to explore or rediscover about myself?

• What brings me joy outside of romance?

Friendships, self-care, and personal passions can be powerful ways to combat loneliness. Surround yourself with people who uplift you, even if that means reaching out to new communities, joining a support group, or starting therapy.

Facing the Fear of the Future

Change is scary. Even when you know it’s necessary, even when you know deep down that you deserve more, the unknown can feel paralyzing. Will I ever love again? Will I ever feel whole again? Can I do this on my own?

The answer is yes.

You won’t always feel this way. The pain, the uncertainty, the fear, it’s temporary. Healing isn’t linear, and some days will be harder than others, but every step forward, no matter how small, is progress.

One of the most important things you can do for yourself right now is to stay grounded in the present. Anxiety thrives on worrying about the future, and depression lingers in the past. Mindfulness techniques can help you anchor yourself to what is real, what is now.

Try these simple practices:

• Deep Breathing – Inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds. Repeat until you feel calmer.

• Body Awareness – Take a walk, stretch, or engage in movement that makes you feel connected to yourself.

• Gratitude Practice – Each night, write down three things you’re grateful for, no matter how small.

• Journaling – Write about your feelings without judgment. Let yourself release emotions onto the page.

These small practices may not take away the pain overnight, but they will help you regain control over your emotions and find stability in the uncertainty.

You Are Becoming Someone New

You are not the same person you were before motherhood. You are not the same person you were in that relationship, AND THAT'S OKAY! You are evolving.

This season of your life is about stepping into a new version of yourself: one that is stronger, wiser, and more in tune with what you truly need. Love will come again, in many forms, but right now, the most important love you can cultivate is the one within yourself.

Let go of who you were told you had to be. Release the idea that your worth is dependent on being loved by another person. Stand firm in the belief that you are enough, just as you are.

When the fear creeps in, when the loneliness feels overwhelming, remind yourself: This is just a chapter. The story is still unfolding.

If you need guidance on your journey, I am here to support you. Healing is possible, and you don’t have to do it alone.

Sophie Vonner, MA, NCC, LPC-A
📞 903-326-1998 | 📧 thatssotherapy@gmail.com
🌐 Thatssotherapypllc.com