Letting Go of Toxic Friendships: When to Walk Away & How to Heal

By Sophie Vonner, MA, NCC, LPC-A

Friendships are meant to be a source of support, laughter, and mutual respect. What happens when a friendship becomes draining, one-sided, or even harmful? Just like toxic romantic relationships, toxic friendships can take a toll on your mental and emotional well-being. You may feel obligated to hold on because of history, guilt, or fear of being alone, but staying in a toxic friendship only depletes you.

If you’ve been struggling with a friendship that no longer feels healthy, it may be time to step back and reassess its place in your life.

Signs of a Toxic Friendship

Not every argument or disagreement makes a friendship toxic, but repeated patterns of unhealthy behavior do. Here are some red flags:

• One-Sided Effort – You always reach out, check in, and make plans, but they rarely reciprocate.

• Jealousy & Competition – Instead of celebrating your wins, they dismiss or downplay them.

• Disrespecting Boundaries – They ignore your needs, push past your limits, or pressure you into situations that make you uncomfortable.

• Frequent Drama & Negativity – The friendship feels emotionally exhausting rather than uplifting.

• Gossip & Betrayal – They talk behind your back, share your secrets, or betray your trust.

• Dismissing Your Feelings – When you express concerns, they gaslight you or make you feel like you’re overreacting.

• Feeling Worse After Interactions – You leave conversations feeling drained, anxious, or unappreciated rather than supported.

If these behaviors are a consistent pattern, it’s time to reevaluate the friendship.

Why It’s Hard to Walk Away

Ending a friendship can feel just as painful as a breakup, especially if you’ve been close for years. Common reasons people stay in toxic friendships include:

• Guilt – You don’t want to hurt them, even if they’ve hurt you.

• Shared History – You’ve been friends for so long that walking away feels unthinkable.

• Fear of Loneliness – You worry about not having close friendships if you let go.

• Hope for Change – You keep believing they’ll become a better friend.

Just because a friendship lasted a long time doesn’t mean it’s meant to last forever. People grow apart, and that’s okay.

How to Let Go & Heal

1. Acknowledge the Reality – Recognize that this friendship is no longer adding value to your life.

2. Have an Honest Conversation (If Possible) – If you feel safe, express how you feel and why you’re distancing yourself.

3. Set Boundaries – Limit contact or distance yourself gradually if needed.

4. Grieve the Loss – Losing a friendship is still a loss. Allow yourself to process your emotions.

5. Surround Yourself with Support – Lean on healthy friendships or seek new connections that align with your growth.

6. Focus on Self-Healing – Journaling, therapy, and self-care can help you move forward.

Healthy Friendships Exist

Letting go of a toxic friendship doesn’t mean you’ll be alone forever. True friendships feel safe, uplifting, and reciprocal. The space you create by walking away from toxicity will allow new, healthy connections to form.

If you need guidance on setting boundaries or healing from toxic friendships, I’m here to support you.